Impressions of A Conference Rookie " 2009 WSA Conference, Annapolis, MD

 

I hadn't been out of the house for 10 years except for food shopping and my daughter's wedding so I experienced some odd feelings as I drove to the conference.  It was very disorienting, I suppose like a prisoner free after 10 years behind bars. I also had the odd sensation that my wife was sitting next to me in the car. We were great road warriors in the old days, always driving on our vacations. We had been to all the states on the eastern seaboard.

For the first hundred miles or so, I kept turning my head to the right, half expecting her to be sitting there. I knew she wasn't in the car but, much like an amputee's phantom limb syndrome, some part of my brain was still expecting her to be there.

The second half of the trip went much better, as those sensations were replaced by the excitement of being OUT and the anticipation of meeting many online friends for the first time.

I've been involved in a lot of conferences and other social gatherings in the past and there's always a period at the beginning of the event where people are a little tentative about introducing themselves. It takes some time to build a head of steam, so to speak.

NOT well spouses.

For the most part, this group just doesn't get out very often. It was obvious in the first 5 minutes that no one was going to stand around waiting for someone else to make the first move. There are no wall flowers at a WSA conference.

It's also easier to open up in a group of people with things in common and this group is no exception.

However, in passing through the various clusters of people that formed at the cocktail hour I was amused at the subject matter most people were discussing. I mean, really, what other group would be talking about the best brand of adult diapers or the details of their spouses' bowel management program? Ah, well spouses, what can I say?!!

As the evening progressed it dawned on me that I needed this experience. Not just desired it but actually needed it. I found myself lighthearted for the first time in years.

I also made an immediate connection with a couple of guys. In very short order we were exchanging dirty jokes and laughing like we were lifelong friends. I didn't realize until then how much I missed the guy connection.

We talk a lot on the WSA forum about the loss of intimacy and need for opposite sex connections but we rarely acknowledge the need for plain old friends. I've lost mine over the years as my wife's illness has forced more and more isolation upon me.

Now I have new friends.

The second day became a continuation of the first day. People picked up right where they left off the night before. Conversations swirled all around me at breakfast. Sometimes it bordered on sensory overload but after breakfast things calmed down as we chose different workshops to attend. The workshops' major benefit for me was that they made me focus for a while.

During the afternoon free time many people went on a tour of the harbor. A few of us from the forum got together for lunch at a nearby seafood place. Of course the lunch went on and on and the proprietors were beginning to wonder if we were staying for dinner.

The second night of partying followed the same script as the first night but was even more relaxed, if that was possible.  It was interesting to see that the groups at the various dinner  tables changed. No cliques formed.

That's the first time I'd ever seen that. At most two-day events the people get comfortable with a few others and stay in that group throughout the remainder of the event. Not well spouses. We're all so happy to be out that a lot of the normal barriers between strangers are swept away by the need to make connections and just SMILE.

I will say that we could have done with a shorter raffle but it went on so long because so many people donated items. I think just about everyone won something.  I got bath salts. ( Calgon, take me away! )  Quite apropos, don't you think?

Once the party was officially over, some of us retired to the hotel pub. We weren't ready for the night to be over.  Ended up closing the place.  First time I'd done that in thirty years.

You might think that the breakfast and closing ceremonies on Sunday would be a downer. Far from it. There were nothing but smiles in that room. Well, maybe a few tears, but not of sadness. You could sense the relief in the crowd, people knowing that they could go back to their difficult lives with a new lease on life and a determination to attend the next conference.

But it still wasn't over for me. Sunday was an absolutely gorgeous autumn day. I got up the nerve to ask one of the wonderful ladies if she'd like to stroll around the inner harbor and she said YES. I nearly fell over.

What a treat to just walk around, people watch and talk about inconsequential things. I'm going to remember that walk for the rest of my life.

When we returned to the hotel one of the guys I'd made friends with needed a lift to the airport. So off we went to BWI. We had fun critiquing the conference, and he™s going to visit me over the summer.

I got back from the airport and ran into two more stragglers. We ended up back in the pub until about 8:00.  Ended the conference talking about those darn bowel management programs and voting among ourselves who had it worse. I was relieved to lose that contest.

What I brought away from the conference is the need for actual contact with these fine people. The forum, e-mails and phone calls are good but there™s nothing like sitting down for a talk with a new friend who can put an arm around you when you get to a rough part of your life's narrative.

As a last observation let me say that I always knew the high caliber of female well spouses, but meeting them in person was a true joy. What a bunch of kindhearted but fierce warriors they are.