The Well Spouses I Know
by Gail Mooers

Thirteen years ago I read a book.  It changed my life. I wrote a short note and said that I would be interested in being in a support group for persons with chronically ill spouses. A short time later a reply found its way to my mailbox. œStart a group, Maggie Strong planted a seed. It struggled to grow, with no help from me, was stunted numerous times but in after a year™s time took root. As the anniversary of that tiny seed draws near, and at the closing of yet another meeting, I feel the need to reflect on what has taken place in the last 12 years and approximately 200+ meetings.

The people that have come into my life because I am a well spouse are people of substance. This is the best way that I can describe them. All of these years I have been working full time in the œreal world, raising two children, being a well spouse. I have met a lot of people but very few of œsubstance, Within our group we have shared tears, raised children, buried spouses, seen members move on with their lives and welcomed new members. We struggle with religion, morals, values, politics, food, drugs, violence, having fun or the lack thereof, not to mention intimacy.

The capacity of understanding, empathy, sharing, listening is phenomenal with these dear people. I look at the careworn faces of the well spouses around me and think of all that they have been through with me and I them. Judgments happen seldom except when one of us is not taking care of ourselves and then we do all tend to œgang up and force some issues.

These people are so full of love. Being a well spouse would not be a struggle if love were not involved. I have come away so often filled with wonder at the tenacity of the human spirit from the compassion shown for each other and for spouses. The cumulative years of caregiving are staggering. Amazingly, so much has been accomplished without help from agencies, family, or hired staff. We talk of caring.  We talk of love. We talk of loss. They mentor, suggest, and support.