Philosophers at least since Plato have acknowledged that man is made of mind, body and spirit.  While the mind and body may offer some challenges now and then, our spirit represents an opportunity we can ill afford to miss.   

 It is my conviction that everyone has a spirituality. .  Anything which nurtures my spirituality not only makes me 'feel good', is good for my overall health.  As caregivers recognizing our need to live by the Well Spouse Bill of Rights "To take care of myself," we will do well to be sensitive to what helps and what hurts our spirituality.

 Enriching Spirituality

 Different things enrich the spirituality of different people.   My most significant ones are:

 1. Family: Laurin, my wife, frequently raises my spirits.  At other times she may challenge them to deeper growth.  The eight children, and the twenty-two grandchildren, almost without exception, consistently raise my spirits.  The fact that all eight children and most of the grandchildren live within 15 miles makes casual visits not only possible  but frequent.  In recent months I have become firmly convinced that these casual interactions with the grandchildren not only raise my spirits but are actually good for my health!

 2. The Ocean:  We have had the good fortune to take a number of cruises, each of which has lifted my spirits.  For three summers we rented an oceanfront house overlooking the boardwalk at Bethany Beach, Delaware.  Sitting on a balcony on the second floor, I could look over both the boardwalk and the beach to see nothing but ocean.  I called it my "poor man's cruise."  I convinced myself that it was almost as good as the real thing -- partly because of all the money we were saving.

 3. Snow:  Last winter was a banner year for me.  Washington, DC, records for total snowfall were broken.   From the first serious forecast through the last flake to fall, the little boy in this man is front and center.  The morning after when the sun comes out on the new-fallen snow is still another uplifting experience.

 4. Faith: The items above are on the natural level.   In addition, there is my faith and its spirituality which are totally relevant to all that I am.  They make everything else meaningful at the deepest level.

 There are, however, many impediments to a satisfactory, supporting spirituality.  Probably the principal one is suffering.

 Suffering

 Suffering will always make its presence known.  The importance lies in how we and our spouses react, what it does to our spirits -- and how we can enlist the help of our spirits and theirs to relieve the suffering? 

 At first this would seem to be a lose-lose situation.  It need not be.  As far as I can learn, apart from known physical conditions, suffering is a mystery. 

 Why are we subjected to it?
 Can anything be learned from it?
 Is there any benefit to it?

 Living with mystery, we can only do the best we can with whatever we find that helps, just as when we need a screwdriver which is nowhere to be found, we try a dime. 

 Reflecting on this, I realized that although I have been posting on the pages of the Well Spouse ™ Association Online Forum a relatively short time, there has been a positive shift in my relationship with Laurin and in the way I am feeling about it.  This was prompted by this brief, but fairly intense, Well Spouse exposure and talking with our children (always productive), visits with grandchildren (definitely good for my health), my doctor (kind, gentle and no-nonsense)  and a priest friend, trained in counseling.

 Through the posts I have put on the forums and some very kind responses, I seem to be finally learning to 'practice what I preach' about suffering.  Then recently, our son Steve forwarded an article from the New York Times "Happiness May Come With Age, Study Says".  He addressed it:  "To the happiest 89 year old I know."  What could I do but smile?  The reaction remains in my heart. 

 The suffering I had been laboring with had by this time become an annoyance which I had forgotten.  "Family" does good things for my spirits -- again!

 In the nitty gritty of my situation and yours, how can we do it? 

 First, look for things which lift your spirits, like my "Family", "Ocean", "Snow" and "Faith".   See if there are more and new ways for you to take advantage of each of them, something you might have been missing.

 Second, identify one or more positive aspects of your life and of that of your spouse.  Be grateful for them.

 Third, see how you can lighten up your life and that of your spouse.  Remember: "Laughter is the Best Medicine."

 Fourth,  inevitably, our mind and our body are engaged in our care for our spouse.  We will do well to be sure that our spirit is supporting us as best as is possible.

 Finally, be certain that you make allowance for respite.  I find it necessary to seek some time every day which is exclusively mine.  Respite days or week-ends are eagerly to be sought.

 Even with all of these safeguards, the 'annoyance' of suffering will continue to return -- again and again. It clearly and inevitably does.  Each time it does, revisit the things you have found which helped before, then look for other possibilities.

 Then, I talk with one or more of the children (the youngest of whom are the twins who will be 50 in November) and my priest friend.   Helpful suggestions always result and life does go on.

 In addition to practical steps that help you, try to apply  any spiritual approach that you are comfortable with.  As many of you know even better than I do, it is a daily challenge lacking anything resembling a simple answer. 

 G. K. Chesterton put it this way: "In the struggle for existence, it is only on those who hang on for ten minutes after all is hopeless, that hope begins to dawn." - The Speaker February 2 -1901

                                                                                                          
                                                                                                              Why Alcoholics Anonymous Is Spiritual

  "One of the many terms for Spiritual Practice is 'avodah', a word from Hebrew. It is also a synonym for 'work' or 'discipline.'

  Spirituality is a Discipline.

 When people say to me, 'I'm a spiritual person,' they often mean that they treasure some vague feeling of connection with God, nature, or humanity, that is most often divorced from any behavioral obligation.

 The disembodied spirituality so often spoken about by those who do not practice any spiritual discipline rarely obligates them to anything, and often excuses the grossest behavior. We have witnessed this many times, in ourselves and in others.

 Spirituality is not a feeling, nor is it vague. Spirituality is a conscious practice of living out the highest ethical ideals in the concreteness of our everyday life, and it is   that continued practice that brings the awakening of our own spirit into a conscious contact with our Higher Power.
The Program of Alcoholics Anonymous is not a religion, it is a Spiritual Discipline." 

 -- Quoted in http://www.barefootsworld.net/aaspiritual.html

Spirituality: A Clinical Definition

 "In 1999, the Association of American Medical Colleges Medical School Objectives Report III defined Spirituality as follows:

 "Spirituality is recognized as a factor that contributes to health in many persons. The concept of spirituality is found in all cultures and societies. It is expressed in an individual's search for ultimate meaning through participation in religion and/or belief in God, family, naturalism, rationalism, humanism and the arts. All these factors can influence how patients and health care professionals perceive health and illness and how they interact with one another."

 The Spiritual Dimension of Health and Suffering

 "Spirituality is the dimension of a person that seeks to find meaning in his or her life. It is also the quality that supports connection to and relationship with the sacred, as well as with each other. Physicians and healthcare workers need to be aware of the importance of the spiritual needs of those who are ill and suffer. Such awareness will lead to compassionate care."  [Source: George Washington University Institute of Spirituality and Health]

 Caregiver Stress

 "Spirituality is important not just for the patient, but also for those caring for the patient: family, friends, and professional caregivers.  Caring for loved ones or patients who have a chronic or serious illness or disability can be one of the most challenging times in a personal or professional caregiver's life.  The experience is filled with many challenging events, which can result in emotional, physical, social and spiritual change, not only in the patient but also in those who care for the patient.  These changes can create considerable problems for those involved in the caring process, as well as offer an opportunity for growth, fulfillment, and deepening of relationships."  ["Caregiver Stress: The role of spirituality in the lives of family/friends and professional caregivers", quoted in  "A Time for Listening and Caring",  Christina M. Puchalski, pp 16-17].