How to use this board

[sotiredofthis]

Dear Gagonejersy, I would like to personally welcome you to wellspouse . I have found it to be a comfortable place for people to meet you; where you are at. I am sure you will find this place a place of support, comfort and wise advice ..I have found it to be so, for myself , and although our situations are different , my heart goes out to you ,.for your situation with your husband and the caregiver that up and quit on you .Well ,welcome aboard ;and visit us often . Iam wishing you peace; in the midst of your caous and pain ((((((( hugz michelle ))))))))

[gagonejersey]

Thanks sotiredofthis and I relate to your user name. I am sure the whole home health aide thing will work out- I suppose part of my upset is that after four plus years we were well settled into a routine. I hate change. After everything my hubby has been through calm coasting is just fine with me. Oh well- I will not (as if it would help) beg her to return. When things like this happen I feel so distanced from people who have "normal" lives. It's almost frightening how alone you can feel. He also is in a weakened condition following his last hospital stay (2 weeks ago). I would love just to put him the car and go. It would probably be a disaster though because I know he doesn't just bounce back to strength. I did it last summer and ended up having to fly the home health aide to where we were so I could fly him home instead of making the long drive. So to avoid that I guess we will stay put.

I appreciate your hug and promise to reciprocate when I can do so with a whole heart. Good time WS has the blues right now.

[easygoingeric]

I am still trying to cope with IS's ailments by my lonesom...probably not the wisest course of action. I know I need emotional help and support. Thanks

[Silver Swan]

Eric:

You have come to the right place! Help and support R-Us!

Shirley H.

[sotiredofthis]

Welcome Eric, I know you will find this a supportive , place to come to for comfort, advice, a place to know that you are not judged and we can share your burdens .You say you are doing all this by your self , well maybe after reading some posts you will decide if that is still what you want to continue to do . In the meantime ,welcome aboard friend Hugs to Eric

[Immi]

Happy to have found this site.

Linda[/b]

[Dorothy Saunders]

Welcome, Linda. Can you tell us more about yourself? I, for one, am not familiar with the acronym you used. I hope you find the support you deserve here.

[tchuparosa]

Hello Linda,

I am welcoming you as well. I've only been participating in this forum for a few months yet it has made a tremendous difference in my daily life. I hope it will for you too. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Peace to all of us,

Tchuparosa

[yourmysunshine]

Welcome Linda;

You have found the site of survival here. The people here are the best and it is always a blessing to have a new friend enter. I have been only for a few months but have many friends here as you soon will have also.

[WSinVT]

this is a test. really don't know what I'm doing!

Hello Wellspouse.org member!

This is a place to test out how to post before you enter the main realm of Wellspouse discussion.

Try out replying to this message, using emoticons, your signature, quoting other people's messages, etc.

This software is pretty easy to use and I'm sure you'll get the hang of it quickly! If you are having problems or have questions, pm me. (Click on my username and then hit the 'pm' button to send me a personal message.)

You can also post a question in the 'questions and suggestions' forum, since if you're having a problems, it's very likely that someone else is having the same problem!

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[Richard]

Welcome WSinVT. Tell us your story. You'll find lots of people here who know where you're coming from.

[pinkpanther]

I just discovered this site today. Did a search in Google for sick spouse support group and it lead me here. Looks like it should be easy to use. I figure there must be a place for people to really vent and spill their guts and tell their story..... but not sure exactly. Of course we can all find something we have in common with other members and, of course, nobody has a story quite like our own.

I think the value of this site is being able to speak freely ond openly about your situation and how you handle it. In my case, it was just today that I had one of my occasional discussions with my wife about her condition. We never talk about the future. She won't because it is NOT rosy and no point dwelling on it. I won't because it is too awkward for me. I still remember the sweet lovely woman I married 15 years ago... I still recognize her, but so much has changed since then. Friends and family are sympathetic, but most don't get it. My stock answer to the question, "How is she feeling?" is to say, "About the same." I leave it at that to spare them any embarrasement, but if they pursue it, they usually get an earful.

I think my wife may be hard for others to recognize now, that knew her when she was relatively healthy. Her condition has likely been with her for her entire adult life, if not longer, but it wasn't obvious back then. With age, it has gotten progressively worse until it couldn't be discounted or ignored. She became too disabled to work 3 years ago. Had frequent migraines which were very easily triggered by normal office stress, loud sounds, bright lights, or even strong smells, especially perfumes and/or colognes. A trip to the ladies room was like playing Russian Roulette.

Well, she is on all kinds of weird meds and they keep playing with the mix. As a result, her sleep cycle is severely disrupted... can't sleep until early a.m., needs te sleep till about noon every day. The meds have loaded her up with about 100 extra pounds over the last couple years. And she is severely depressed. The docs are rather concerned about it since they rarely run into people who score so highly on the Beck Scale (whatever that is). The unspoken message I got from that comment was, "who haven't attempted suicide."

And.... it's my belief that her syndrome has gradually robbed her of the ability to enjop sex over the years. Once, a very ethusiastic partner. Now, someone who is willing to cooperate, but is not able to get much out of it. (no... we haven't discussed this at this point, maybe some day).

Bottom line: I am firmly determined to see this through te the end... no matter how difficult it gets or how long it takes. I will always be there to take care of my wife and our children. Everything else in my life comes after that.

[Dorothy Saunders]

Welcome, Pink Panther. This is a great place to get support and advice.

How old are your children? Are they doing OK? With a sick and depressed mother, they could be really hurting themselves. By the way, the Beck inventory scale is a series of questions which the patient answers to give therapists a sense of how serious the depression is. You can Google it to learn more about it if you're curious about how she's being evaluated.

"I will always be there to take care of my wife and children. Everything else in my life comes after that." I hope that you have some time to yourself occasionally -- every well spouse needs that in order to be a good caregiver.

[Pam2]

Welcome Pink Panther !!

You have come to the right place for support and understanding; however, I am sorry you need such support. Please feel free to rant, vent, and/or share your thoughts. This is a wonderful group of people who "get it."

Also remember to be gentle with yourself and take time to reconnect with yourself so you can continue your journey in a healthy manner for you and your family.

Pam

[OldNTired]

I still remember the sweet lovely woman I married 15 years ago... I still recognize her, but so much has changed since then. Friends and family are sympathetic, but most don't get it. My stock answer to the question, "How is she feeling?" is to say, "About the same." I leave it at that to spare them any embarrasement, but if they pursue it, they usually get an earful.

We are nudging each other saying, "Yep - he's experiencing WS-ness alright."

Bottom line: I am firmly determined to see this through te the end... no matter how difficult it gets or how long it takes. I will always be there to take care of my wife and our children. Everything else in my life comes after that.

Many of us are determined to see this through to the end. But to underscore what Dorothy said, you must get occasional respite and keep yourself up. Otherwise you'll be less than the caregiver that you want to be.