On Religious and Moral Tolerance

[Erin]

I feel the need to address this issue in light of recent events when members have been very upset with what they see as violations of their own moral code.

Here is our policy as I see it, and I intend to enforce it as I believe that it is the only way for us all to get along, Wellspouses and other members of this small planet.

- No moral or religious code is absolutely right or absolutely wrong. Even mine. Even yours.

- It is immoral for anyone to assume that their beliefs are the only right ones. More immoral still to try to impress your beliefs on others. In other words, there will be no proselytizing on the forum. If you do believe that your chosen way is the only way, you must keep your beliefs to yourself and remember that they are your beliefs, and not the general beliefs of all members of the human race.

- We must not judge the lives of others. We may observe, but one can not really know what another person's life is like. We must support, care, love, and it is unimportant where that sympathy and care comes from. The only important thing is that we take care of one another.

- Finally, it is important to respect the spiritual path of every person, no matter where they begin and where they end. People tend to seek out peace and love, even in horrible situations, and it is our job as humans to help everyone find that peace.

If you feel the need to discuss issues of religious spirituality specific to any religion, you may do that, providing you put a topic header that specifically states that you intend to do this. That way anyone who does not share your beliefs can post elsewhere and not feel uncomfortable.

We are a community of sharing, caring and support. I don't care if you're blue or green, inside or out -- what I do care about is that we help one another in the best way that we can.

I posted this here so that others may respond if they like.

[Teak]

Erin,

This is such an important issue on this forum, that it should always be kept to the top of the forum. Perhaps this should be a sticky???

Woody

[Erin]

Thanks, Teak. I did it.

[SunshineH]

Erin: You stated that beautifully. This approach has made Well Spouse a safe place for me.

[jcj]

Erin,

Thank you for addressing this issue. I was hoping things wouldn't escalate as they did, but this topic has been a concern of mine for a while. We are here to support & uplift eachother & I'm so thankful for all those that do just that.

jcj

[Richard]

Erin:

Thank you. You said it so well. Amen!

[sotiredofthis]

I too am grate full for the rules and boundries in place. I think we need them ;as of late it has been proven that we must be kind and caring and not judge each other; for our challenges are hard enough.We are hard enough on ourselves!

But we really still need those wonderful moderators and admin and whatever it is everyone does to keep this site a safe healthy enviornment to come and land.

maybe it was just me but the event as of late and the person who was removed was very upsetting to me personally.But I am very sensitive so I am sure it is only me and my sensitive nature.So lets all carry on; rules in place!

We really cannot judge another person until we have walk a mile in their shoes; and then we are a mile away and have their shoes! LOL Just trying to keep it lite!

[Erin]

An update:

I'm sorry to inform you that a member of this community was suspended today for being judgmental to the point of isolating other members. I believe that this offending member has had a detrimental effect on our community and the account was suspended for one month.

Please accept my apologies if you were offended by something this member said -- I don't believe that it was said out of malice. I believe that this member did not understand how hurtful, angry and negative the comments were. As well, it seems to me that this member has a difficult time understanding that what might be good for one person is not necessarily good for another -- this member was especially intolerant of anyone who disagreed with his/her advice.

Please -- let's all put this situation to rest and not discuss this member publicly in any specific way. If you wish to address the issue in general terms, please do so below.

My apologies again. I should not have let this go on so very long.

[mary]

I loved the article on moral and religious tolerance. I am new to this web site. I was not there when someone offended someone and thus was banned for a month. I do not care to know why or what or to rehash that incident.
But boundaries interest me. It seems it would be common sense for people to respect others' values and religion and to not cross boundaries. We have laws, rules and probably government because people refuse to respect other people's boundaries. Why some people are always trying to test and stretch boundaries and other people's patience interests me. I'm sure others find it interesting also.
I'm sure many have heard people say that God must be punishing so and so for a good reason when saintly so and so has an undeserved crisis or suffering happen to him. People seem to want to punish others that are so good as to make us feel inadequate.
Under the guise of educating others, people say such cruel, ignorant things. When people lose a loved one and are doing their best to get out of bed and crawl through the day, others tell them they must move forwards. When you feel you do not have feet, it is like being told if you can't walk, then run.
Why is it people often find it so difficult to be tolerant of others? A friend once told me to say as often as possible when it is applicable the following "I do not approve of this or that but I do not expect others to be perfect as I am not."
Any ideas on the subject of tolerance, pushing others' boundaries and rudeness in general is interesting to me.
Mary

[Harried]

Erin, I have very personal and strong religious and moral guidelines for my life. I can talk about my WS/IS issues without ever mentioning them. Those people who post or comment contrary to my beliefs don't affect me. Just like everything else in life, we take in what we want and discard what we want.

We all struggle on a day to day basis with the question, "what should I do?" I know that when I choose wrongly, I pay the consequences and I know it was a bad choice without anyone telling me. What I need from this forum is acceptance and encouragement and information. I'll let my conscience guide my moral decisions!

Those who find it necessary to kick someone who is down and hurting should realize that there is no religious or moral code which teaches that is the right or good thing to do. Shame on that person.

Thanks for moderating that out of this forum and thankfully, I didn't see it! I might have gotten on my soapbox against that person and been removed from the forum!

[Erin]

This issue resolved itself immediately once the member was gone. As it turned out, this member was denied reinstatement, unanimous among the moderators.

As a person of very strong moral and religious conviction, I have learned that there is no arguing with faith. It serves no one and just leaves us feeling combative and isolated.

I have learned so much from people of different beliefs and faiths, so much so that I also strongly believe that there are MANY paths to becoming a person of virtue, something that I aspire to be. What is important, as you say above, is that we respect and support one another -- what a wonderful thrill it is that so many of you agree with me and will stand up strongly and support this diverse community of inclusion and caring.

[Richard]

Mary:

Why is it people often find it so difficult to be tolerant of others?

I too have long wondered this? I think the answer is, in the well-known words of Chico Marx: "Why a duck?"
In other words, it is what it is. I'm being facetious, but serious also...

The intolerance that some people have for others opinions is why we need a moderator, and I want to thank Erin and her assistants for the very good work they do. They do not intervene often, but when they do, it is clearly necessary, and it keeps the discussions going nicely on this Forum, while avoiding so-called "flame wars" that used to happen years ago, in a different venue, when we didn't have moderators.

[sotiredofthis]

I believe the decision to remove a person from being intolerant of others and being judgemental; has only helped to protect this community from any further strife that; their already "full" lives do not need any stretching in!

we all need to try and to remember to not judge someone else;when we have not walked a mile in their shoes.................Thank you for creating this safe, haven for us all.

I still do believe there is a lot of mis understandings, though just because of the fact we can not really always understand the tone in which a person is speaking. This site is fraught with everyday small misunderstandings; that I think we all recognize as being part of this kind of venue to communicate, with or on.............

[granny]

I actually feel that this is one of THE best safe, honest and accomodating sites for our issues and problems. I am so appreciative that Erin and all of the moderators, keep this forum safe from abnormal social , moral and religious issues. This is a good place for caregivers to take refuge with each other.
I never saw the offending post, and I don't care to.
Let's just take care of each other in our WS way, and move on.

[mary]

Why is it that people are bullies and seem to delight in hurting someone who is down?
Under the guise of being helpful, I'm sure most of us have witnessed what I call "interrogation." they ask questions---did you do this or that. but the tone is like they think they are a prosecuting attorney. I'm sure many have heard someone say "God must be punishing them" when a crisis hits a very nice person. I wonder if anyone has any remarks or cliches to say to people when they ask questions meant to hurt more than to help. Other than "I'm tired of talking to you" or "you may be right but you are not nice" I am really lost as to what to say to people who ask mean questions.
People often seem to want to educate someone who is hurting. Not educate them on how to be more hopeful or happy but to not feel sorry for themselves. It is sad that many books have had to be written to tell people not to say when someone has lost a child "well, you have other children" or "I know how you feel." Why would anyone give advice when someone is hurting and trying to deal with their pain?
I'm truely interested in others opinions as to why people are so insensitive and such bullies. Also, how does one deal with them? when someone has a crisis I often offer to do any of phoning for them so as to protect them from any mean words from others.
Mary