Hi all

[mike73]

I guess this is both a test and an introduction. Wife got sick about five years ago and have been caring for her at home. I was a member about three years ago, but for some reason meetings and interactions seemed to depress me a little. It was bad enough what happened to us, see so many others was overwhelming i guess.

In any case its been a few more years, still in the same boat, so now I'm back. Not sure that support groups is what I'm looking for. Maybe just some interactions with people that i don't have to explain everything to over and over? Some semblance of normalcy? A chance to get out and do normal stuff (or at least as close to normal as possible)?

I don't know. Some days are better than others. What can i say.

[nednicky]

Hi, guy! Use this forum for anything you want. What passes for normal around here, you're welcome to.

I'm relatively new here, too, and I just take it as it comes. Sometimes it is hard to read what others are going through - how can they do it?? Is this what's in store for me?

On the other hand, people here 'get it' and that's such a relief. I get tired of the people in my life that don't even want to acknowledge what my life is like. I feel like I have some unspeakable, contagious illness that friends and family want to avoid.

So, speak your mind. I'd love to hear you on any subject.

[LarryB]

Hi Mike - glad you're back.

We're always looking for feedback on 'what helps'. If SGs are not your thing how CAN we help you?

(Just being on the forums is a big help for me.) My SG is much less structured and very Social so that works for me too.

Pull up a chair and greet some old and new friends.
e(You're right - at least here we all understand!)

[qtrhrsemom]

Welcome back, Mike!

This is a great place to start... we all get where you're coming from... This place has helped me keep my sanity....

[Dorothy Saunders]

Welcome back, Mike.
Yes, hearing about the sadness and stress in the lives of others here is sometimes a bit overwhelming when combined with my own, but where else can you find such total understanding of the complex emotions and gritty details inherent in this life? And oh, the black humor is superb! So drop by when you're able and give us another chance!

[mike73]

thanks all. Guess I just get tired of getting to the end of the day and being like 'Now what.... oh yeah, nothing'.

You know? I still remember when we would go out and do stuff. Or when i still had friends and we would go diving, or go to concerts, or drink to much and act stupid.

I'm not even 40. I still have too much rock and roll in me. I Don't much want to take up building model boats or learn to bake. I wanna get out and act stupid and laugh and do normal stuff.

anyways, enough of the rant. Bad day is all.

[qtrhrsemom]

Mike.... try to make time to still do that rock and roll... you have to do things you enjoy while still caregiving. You may have to learn to do them alone.... but first of all, take care of yourself.

Not easy to do, but so very important!!!!

[qtrhrsemom]

By the way.... ranting is encouraged here.....

[LarryB]

Mike you need to make a life for you too. It may involve doing things on your own, or with others(unfortunately not with your wife as I am sure you would want).

There are many bad days, but some good ones too.

I hope you can find a balance, but no matter what direction your life takes we are here to support YOU.

Larry

[ethericjourneys]

Welcome back, Mike!

Herewith, I'm sending you the equipment you need to go (scuba?) diving.

Now...GO!!

Do you have any guy friends with whom you can go out and get blitzed? What about meet-up groups?

As you may remember, the one refrain we keep saying around here is to take care of yourself. You life should not, nor cannot, stop just because your wife is ill.

Heck, go to a bar and find an attractive woman and make out!

I agree, that sometimes the situations of our compadres are overwhelming. I think it's in our inherent nature to want to make everything all better, not only for our spouses, but for others going through the same thing.

In those instances, where words/actions fail, simple hugs (((((((())))))))) work wonders.

Also, you may want to try the "Wellspouses are people too!" topic thread. We post jokes and silly stuff.

((((((((((((Mike))))))))))))

[SunshineH]

Welcome back Mike!

[cherylk]

(((((Mike)))))
Welcome back, Mike. I have found it helps just to read what other WS are going thru. There is a whole community here for you. Some days are very difficult when you are caring for another person. I know how much it can change your life.

[mike73]

Thanks all. I guess Ill just hang around and see what happens. Been five years now you would think im all set and adjusted. WTF.... lol.

In any case the holidays never help so im glad all that is over with. I only really set up the tree and wait till midnight and all that for her. So that she can at least look at the tree and know what month we are in.

Spent the whole drive back from christmas dinner at my moms explaining to her that we had just had christmas dinner and thats what all the presents were abour. ugh.

Thanks for the push ethericjourneys, but scuba is over. i still have all my gear in the garage. And i look at it and clean it up sometimes. But ya, cant do it. Diving the north east and digging around in wrecks is a little rough. Had quite a few friends drown or get lost in wrecks and such. Never seemed a big deal (i mean it always sucked when it happens don't get me wrong) but it was always like, hey this is what we do. Now, well now i cant die. If i do what happens to her. I'm the only family shes got left.

So just gotta re-invent my life i guess. Either learn to do small things solo and not think of how it used to be. Or make a new set of friends and get new interests.

In any case, not trying to sound like a whiner. Just explaining the deal. lol.

thanks again all.

[SCIwife]

I understand Mike. It used to be so easy just to get in the truck and go do things.
I especially miss going to the lakes. I try not to even think about it.