New and unsure

[Legaleagle]

Hi. I've been lurking in this site for about a month or so. I first heard the term"well-spouse" from a guy in our stroke survivor group. I didn't think much of it but happened to google the term several months ago. I found this site and I've been reading current posts, some older posts and lots of the articles. I had no idea. I just didn't get it or understand what I was feeling and experiencing until I read my life in the posts of others. It never occurred to me a group such as this existed. Why didn't one if those well meaning clueless social workers do something useful and tell me about this?! Guess I just stumbled upon it. I'm so very glad I did. Just reading helps. Helps to know that I'm not alone and that the things I think and feel are understandable and perhaps almost expected.
The low point of my week was when I called my doctor- she's been my GP for 10 years. She knows me. She put me in antidepressants after my mother died 7 years ago - I was her caregiver for 17 years - progressive MS/CHF/prenicious anemia/brittle ostereporosis. So, aside from the usual holiday blues, IS is back in therapy, house needs major work, my cat is dying of oral cancer-giant tumor, just giant, IS adult kids are no help - all going on vacation in Europe for the holidays -wouldn't think to invite their father! Bills are out of control. I'm having more trouble sleeping-just can't! So I ask my doctor for help, explain the added stress and ask for an appointment to see he and have my meds adjusted. What do I get? Get this. "Are you having bad thoughts? No? Good. Well, Dr. Xxx thinks that the best course of action is for you to see a psychiatrist." proceeds to give me the name of three in the area. I look them up in the web thinking, well thank god I wan't really suicidal....being told by your doctor that you need a shrink can be unsettling!!. Two of the three she suggested are child psychiatrists. Really?! Seriously?! That's soooo helpful.
So, I thought. Well, at least someone in this group will get it! Who knows, might even give someone a laugh.
I really look forward to getting to know people in this group. Sorry for the rant but it just pushed me over the edge!
Thanks for listening and happy holidays to all.

[SunshineH]

Sara:

Welcome! So glad you joined our family.

I hear your frustration with your situation and with your doctor's recommendation. So sorry about your cat. Our animals are such a precious support system.

Rant anytime. That is what we are here for. Have you tried finding a therapist (to talk out what is happening)? I have seen therapists off and on for years and find them helpful. Maybe you need your meds changed but maybe the meds you have supplemented with talk therapy will help.

[nednicky]

Sister Sara! You are NOT alone. We really 'get it' here. I also want to say "boy, have you come to the right place!"

Lots of people here know a lot, have experienced just about everything, and will always give you support. Many times I've read things that have made me think, readjust my attitude and find and use some piece of information that's really been helpful.

We love to rant. And sometimes we are pretty funny, too.

Come back and post often.
(((hugs)))

[LarryB]

Welcome to our 'family'. (((Sara)))

I am so sorry you are experiencing so much right now. Finances and clueless family are unfortunately too prevalent in our group.

So is depression. (Inability to sleep is a marker for depression). I doubt you need a full blown psychiatrist, but you probably would benefit from counseling (as most of us have) and possibly from anti-depressants (another long search usually for the right meds). It took me two false starts but I found a decent psychologist that was himself experienced with caregiving.

I offer condolences on your furry family member. The loss of a companion, and the care for a sick 'friend' can be another stressor. Know you have done all you could - you are obviously distraught over this and probably have no one to share this with.

I am glad you have found us (most of us 'trip' over this group only after we have reached low points - I spent hours Googling support...)

Feel free to post often.

We understand

Larry

[Dorothy Saunders]

Welcome to our virtual haven, Sara. We are here for you, and are glad you found us.

So sorry about your dear cat -- I remember how stressed I was when my dog was dying; it is just so difficult given our already overwhelming lives.

Please look into our Boston area face-to-face support group. Click "Support" on our home page -- some friendly folks are eager to have you join them!

[Ladylocks]

welcome Sara, I hope you feel comfortable sharing here,

you are among friends, and we all are dealing with a spouse who we are caregivers for. I am sorry to hear about your cat, I recently lost my pet dog, and its a little bittersweet Christmas, trying to stay positive.
Feel free to let out all your feelings, I do very often with friends here. I am so glad I have found friends here and I hope you post often,

Everyone has been through alot of what you are going through. You can lean on us and feel some comfort and caring from us Wellspouses

[ethericjourneys]

Welcome, Sara!

Sorry you recognized yourself in our posts, but glad you found us!

I think for many of us, labeling ourselves as "Well Spouses" comes as a shock, a surprise, then finally, relief. The camraderie we have here is second to none.

And watching your beloved cat go through his illness compounds whatever struggles you already have.

Yup....we get the fact that "everyone else" is jetting off to Europe while we "get" to stay home and wipe butts.

So...pull up a chair and set a spell. We're open 24/7/365. We look forward to getting to know you!

And, I believe there is an active suppport group in the Boston area. Contact our office for more info.

((((((((((((Sara))))))))))))

[myonly]

(((((((((((Sara)))))))))))

It sounds like there are a number of decks stacked against you at present, and you could really use an understanding group to pull you in. Consider yourself "PULLED IN"!

We have been there, or are in similar territory, and it's no fun going it alone. Please keep reading and posting. And welcome!

[kitty]

Hi Sara,
Welcome to WSA - yes, it's a bit of a shock when we discover that we are part of this sub-culture ( : but fortunately WSA is here as a haven of refuge for us.
I'm so sorry about your cat -
About your GP - I have a clueless one too - and should be looking for another - but know how hard that is to do for those of us in this position.
Seems just when you need all of these modalities of medical care the system fails us. Hope you continue to find comfort here.
- kitty

[LarryB]

(((Sara))) is also my daughter-in-laws name (same spelling)

I urge you to attend a meeting of the Boston Support Group-a great group of people! You will be very glad you did so! You can email Jerry@wellspouse.org or Stephanie@wellspouse.org - both belong to that group.

Larry

[JoDan]

I am new and unsure as well, and feel just as conflicted about all the different demands and stresses. It doesn't sound like your doctor took much time to really listen to you, and maybe the psychiatrist can offer a better ear. Just please keep talking with everyone here--I think they "get it" in a way that few others do.

[Legaleagle]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I cried as I read though the replies. It's just wonderful to feel like I'm not alone - or a freak! -and that you all understand. I'll be posting more and offering my support to anyone else out there who needs a shoulder.

[nednicky]

Posting more and offering support to others --- that's how it works!

[graybeard]

((((Sara))))

Welcome to our community. We are here to support each other as we walk this difficult path.

Come, sit a while, and get to know this wonderful collection of caring souls.

GB

[Patrick]

Welcome, Sara. Sorry you have to be here.