New and unsure

[ethericjourneys]

...and a hearty welcome to JoDan as well!

We look forward to getting to know you and your situation.

[JoDan]

Thank you to all of you who have welcomed me to this group. I amazed at how hard everyone works, and how complicated all the emotion is. I am so reassured to know that anger and resentment are an expected part of this saga, and not a sign of mental illness or lack of humor either! I wasn't expecting to be in this caregiver role; my husband can get better. But he does little to help himself, sits in his own little world watching TV all day, and manages to shut out anything he doesn't like by saying he's tired, or just not motivated. I don't know how to deal with that, as all his medical problems are being addressed, including depression. So I've just now figured out that I will be the main breadwinner, shopper, handywoman, etc, etc, for the foreseeable future, when I've already been doing this for 5 months, but always with the idea that things would improve soon. But they don't, and he doesn't, and I feel so abandoned. There are so many of you here in a much worse situation, but you still understand the feeling and help me understand it too. Thank you.

[LarryB]

One important caveat:

Our ISs must do whatever they are CAPABLE of doing, or we fall into the roll of total immersion.

For some that means straightening up the bathroom, for some it means taking the kids to school or watching them when they return home, for some it means simply a thank you; and of course some ISs cannot do anything to help themselves, let alone partake in familial relationships.

This gives them a chance to invest in the relationship and also gives them some tactile gratification, which they may not realize they actually require!