Glad To Find This Board

[tundra lodger]

Welcome Patrick

Although I'm sad you've need of this place, I'm glad you found our online oasis in the desert of WellSpousedom. May you find support and understanding here.

Dealing with our frustrations is difficult when there is neither the time, nor a safe place to do that. Knowing there are others who share those frustrations eases the way. Ranting, raving, and venting are gladly accepted.

Again, welcome.

tl

[ProudMommyDebbie]

Welcome to WS, Patrick, we are glad you found this support system, that we Well Spouses so dearly need, but everyone wishes our lives were not the way they are.
You already I am sure feel that you didn’t sign up for this, and we get that.

The anger, bitterness, frustration, loneliness, ect, we all get that as well, and it is normal to feel that way.

It is how we cope with it and manage it, which is what counts, and is vital to surviving this life, and you have to think about you as well, take care of you, which will help you take care of your children too.
I know it is not fair for sickness to fall on anyone at any age, but your wife is so young, my age, and it is heartbreaking.

I care for my 34 yr old IS/Husband, been doing this for 6 yrs and married for 10, I work outside the home and make the only income, do all the housework, yard work, chores, financial budget, ect, and am the mom to three young children, my son is 9 and my daughters are 7 and 5.
We are raising our kids essentially as single parents with our IS’s as adult children sometimes added in the mix, so you need to get as much help as possible, as much as you can, and do it now because if you wait too long, you will be so worn out it will be very difficult to get things in order.

Find a good therapist to talk to; they help with other ways to cope, other than what we may suggest here.

Don’t be afraid to vent, yell or scream, or whatever you must do, to get a little of the tension out.

You are human, you are allowed to feel whatever way you do, and stop the guilty feeling as soon as they come into your head, you don’t need that and shouldn’t feel guilty for talking about what you are going through, the friends won’t get it, and they might judge you for thinking of yourself when your wife is going through so much, but they don’t walk in your shoes, so they cannot fathom what your life is like.

We all here don’t judge and we will nod our heads in agreement, in saying, yes, been there, done that, going through it, and we do Understand.

((((Many hugs))))

[patrickd88]

@ProudMommyDebbie

I hear you. I feel like a single-parent most of the time. It's like going to work Monday through Friday is the vacation and the weekends are the longest. I love my family, but I work all weekend and pass out on the couch most nights to awaken at 3am to go to my actual bed.

[ProudMommyDebbie]

@ProudMommyDebbie

I hear you. I feel like a single-parent most of the time. It's like going to work Monday through Friday is the vacation and the weekends are the longest. I love my family, but I work all weekend and pass out on the couch most nights to awaken at 3am to go to my actual bed.

Hi Patrick,

Yes, i totally get it.

Monday thru friday we have the stresses at work, and still feel tired.

go home at night and still have the kids to get for bed after making dinner and feeding them, with homework along the way in there, set out clothes for school the next day, and weekends are mommy time, where the kids get to spend time with me, but i am always so exhausted and still have the house things to take care of like laundry, cleaning, yard work, ect.

Sometimes I cannot sleep, or like you said if I do, i fall asleep on the couch and wake up at odd hrs of the morning and go back to sleep wherever i can get comfortable.

My IS either sleeps on the couch and I am in the bedroom, or I am on the couch and he is in the bed.
Very rare we sleep on our queen bed together since he has chronic day and night fevers and "me being close makes it worse" but of course there is a lot more history to his attitude where he acts like that and it sucks being in the same bed because with there being an imaginary line drawn I feel so separated because he shows no compassion or affection or anything, no hugs or cuddles, ect; so it just breaks my heart over and over and makes me bitter.
It sucks feeling invisible in the world and not even having one man/or woman in your case, who you are the one most important thing in their life.

We don't have marriages anymore, we lost our partnership and the person to share things with.

Overall we just didn't deserve this life, nor our spouses getting sick/sicker.

I am here for you if you ever just need to talk, I am a good listener, take care, and again welcome to the forums.

Hugs,
Debbie