Introduction

[Elena]

Good Morning Everyone, My name is Elena

This is not my first post. I went about this somewhat backwards, but I will try to correct it now.

I have been a caregiver to IS for 8 yrs now. Was diagnosed with early state dementia due to Alzheimers. At the same time my oldest was diagnosed with suppressed immune system and needing monthly infussions plus, plus, and second child with breast cancer (4 different types). Life was turned upside down to say the least.Was on the road to hell.
It was very difficult trying the deal with all of that at the same time. IS was very argumentative and aggressive and not wanting to deal with his problem, so every chance he got he told me to go get help and leave him alone, "If you are so unhappy go see a psychiatrist" he would say. Other times he would start banging his head on a steal door late at night.
When my daughter was still going through chemo, after her xtremely serious operaton, I found out I had cancer. Dealt with that- surgery, radiation, etc.
One day after my radiation therapy, he decides to have his long time needed total hip replacement in NYC (lived in Jersey). Took care of that for 4 months. Pure hell.
Moved to central Jersey all work done by me, when I got cancer again.
This one was much worse than the first. Kept taking care of him. Had signed him up for a drug trial with a dr. I found on my own; this drug trial has saved my life, even though there is a lot of time invested in it. It has been five and a half yrs that he is receiving infussions every three months for Alzheimers disease. Problem now is for the past year he has progressed to a different stage, which is midstage. The only thing he can do is take care of his hygene. Lots of time needs reminding and coaxing.
As you all know its been one hell of a long lonesome road. There is nothing left but the shell. Try talking to him but it is so difficult by the time he understands some of it, I am exstausted. As far as intimacy many years before his diagnosis he decided to end that part.
I feel extremely sad, empty, isolated, alone with my life being over just like his. Half the time I wonder why I am here. No one understands or wants to hear anything. People want you to be upbeat, smile and be happy or they walk on by. Very lonely.

Thank you everyone for listening (actually reading)

Elena

[LarryB]

Another amazing wellspouse story. You did a great job through it all. Glad you found us, we can help each other.

Hope YOUR medical needs are now taken care of.

(((Elena)))

[Richard]

<<<Elena>>>

I'm glad you found us, and yes, you have been through a very hard time. Like Larry, I really hope your own health problems are on the road to being brought under control.

In that regard, you are like a poster child for spousal caregivers -- in trying so hard to help our spouse/partner, we become more prone than others our age to develop some kind of chronic illness! I myself have Diabetes Type 2, which is under control, but I am and will be taking medication, watching my diet, and exercising for the rest of my life. It was diagnosed just 4 months after my first wife died.

And in at least one other regard you are not alone -- of all family caregivers, it is the spousal caregivers who take the longest to self-identify -- to recognize that they are sc's and that they need emotional and other support. That you have taken the step to come here and post is evidence of your resilience, and desire to regain balance in your life.

One of the WSA's missions is to offer peer emotional and other support to spousal caregivers. The other is to make better known the need for such support, to the sc, of course, and to the public, but especially to family, friends, neighbors and workmates of the sc... because it's often true that sc's only learn of their identity through others.

We try so hard to do for others, and forget to do for ourselves. Welcome, Elena, to a safe place where you can work on the "do for yourself" part!

[dizzy]

Good morning Elena,

I can relate to much of your story. I am glad you shared--and glad you found us.

dizzy

[jumpinjan]

Elena,

Welcome! You have been through so much!

I hope you find some peace and comfort among us.

I hope your children are doing well now...

Jan

[claudia]

A warm welcome to our community, dear Elena, where everyone understands.

Your story had me shaking my head in incredulous, heart wrenching awe: so much illness! You are one strong and courageous lady!

I, too, ask how you are, and your two children? We forget that our health and needs, not to mention our children's, are just as important as our IS's. We will all encourage you to create time and space just for you.

You've been through so much, come by here often so we can give you a little bit of TLC.

I'll start with a very caring hug of welcome,
Claudia

[myonly]

Welcome, Elena! You have certainly had more than your fair share of challenges, and I admire you for seeing everything through. It is so difficult to keep any semblance of sanity when everything is crashing in around you. My hat is off to you!

Yes, being a WS can be very lonely. We are taken WAY out of our comfort zone, to places we could never imagine, even in our nightmares. You have found a community here that understands and supports you. Please know that you are always welcome and heard here.

((((Elena))))

[Elena]

Good Morning Everyone

I want to thank all of you for your wonderful welcome and support. You all sound like such wonderful people and good friends to be with.
You kindness is well received.
Thank you again

Elena

[Elena]

PS:

I am in remission for now and pray that I stay there.
My children are holding their own. Facing many health challenges every day, but trying very hard to find solutions. Thank you for asking and caring.
I have had such a horrible sore throat since last Thursday, so finally I got a dr's appointment today. Have to get ready now and go.
Many hugs to all of you.
Elena

[qtrhrsemom]

Elena... you have certainly been carrying a huge load for a long time. Welcome to the family. We're here to support you in any way we can.

((((((((Elena))))))))

[ProudMommyDebbie]

(((Elena)))

We are all here for you.

[thistoo]

Welcome Elena, You have found a wonderful place for support. I hope you'll continue to post!

Good luck with your Dr. appointment!
Thistoo

[lindalady]

Elena,
Welcome to the one place in the world where it is all about YOU.

Hope you can find things here to help you through.
Hugs,
Linda

[Ditty2]

Welcome Elena. Everyone here is so wonderful and helpful. I've not been on the list too long myself, but really have benefited from the kindness and support. Oh--and their sense of humor!! Refreshing! Be sure to check out the silly posts because it is so nice to smile and laugh.

[Noelle]

Welcome again, Elena. I hope you got help for your sore throat today.

Have you posted your introduction on Help & Healing? Many more people will see it there ... not everyone reads Testing One Two Three.