Ok here goes nothing

[ciejai30]

My husband had a really bad day 3 days ago. I was online looking for some information about what was going on when I saw an icon at the top of the screen that caught my attention. It was about Caregiver Burnout (I had never even heard of it). From there I was led here. I began reading various posts and you would swear I had lost my mind, The tears started and just wouldnt stop. My poor daughter walked in the room and then slowly backed out. I was like OMG they get it..They really really get it!!!!

Anyways, my name is Colleen I just turned 30 2 days ago. I am told all the time I look 18, but if you ask me how I feel..I feel ancient, tired, frustrated, sad, alone is a few of the words that come to mind these days. I have a dry sense of humor which has been my link to sanity. By trade I am a special needs teacher and EMT..Who knew four years of higher education would pay off everyday in my very own livingroom. When my mom says I should do something with my degree..Im like are you serious? Anyways, I am now a stay at home mom and when people tell me Im so lucky to be able to be that.. I politely say thank yo and walk away and sigh under my breath. If they only knew...Yup im a stay at home mom because my husband is a disabled vet who can no longer care for our kids or himself. He sleeps 14+ hours a day, When he sleeps I have to make sure he stays breathing (thankfully we just got his c-pap so I can finally get a few hours of sleep now) and when he is awake I never know what he is going to say as the meds have him in his own reality. So I am 100% on defensive to run damage control on anything he may say or do or calm him down if someone looks at him wrong or says the wrong thing.

I dated my husband in HS we separated went into the real world both married had kids and divorced. A twist of fate and the internet brought us back together. I knew from the begining that he had issues with his physical well being and his mental health steming from being in the Marine Corp. It didnt seem too unmanageable. However in the last five years the decline in his physical and mental health has been staggering. Knowing how bad things were and are going to get I still happily said I do last June.

Ive learned to pick and choose my battles most are not worth it these days, as I said his medications have him out of touch with reality most of the time. On the rare occasion I do speak up and say something.. Its "you dont care how I feel", "You dont understand me" my personal favorite "you just want to see me in pain"..Yup thats it .. I get that one alot. He loses track of time and tries to take his meds more than he should. So I now have full controll of his meds too.

I crack a lot of jokes maybe to hide some of the pain but I truly do love him to death.. I will always be there for him. There are days I will admit that I feel I may have bitten off more than I can chew. However, I will gladly take the days and weeks of bad just to enjoys the five minutes of good that may be waiting around the next corner.

[Kronberg]

Welcome, ciejai30. I'm sorry you need us but happy you found us. I can't write much these days, but here are some hugs to get you started. ((((((ciejai30))))))

[noskcids]

Welcome. The people here truly do "get it". You will find amazing insight and nonjudgmental support.

[Noelle]

Hello, ciejai30. Welcome to the club nobody wanted to join. You will find plenty of sympathy and understanding here. Happy birthday; I hope you got a chance to celebrate that milestone.

What you posted is a great introduction, but few will see it here on Testing One Two Three. I suggest you copy the message, and paste it into a new message window you can create under another forum/section. Military Spouses would be good, or Help and Healing (the biggest forum with the most traffic).

[LarryB]

Dear Colleen:

As the spouse of a disabled veteran you are able to sign up for a years free membership WSA (not just the free forums). Please contact the office to do so. or sign up on line.

Your husband is to be honored for his service to our country. You are to be honored for your service as a WS.

I hope you have found our dedciated military section. Lots of great people here. Glad you found us.

[Kronberg]

Your husband is to be honored for his service to our country. You are to be honored for your service as a WS.

Yes! TY!!

[claudia]

Hello, Colleen, and a warm welcome to you. I've very glad you happened upon this caring and wise community of fellow WSes.

Our fighting men, the war injured and their WSes are my heros. All deserved to be given the very best threatment and care that medicine can offer. I hope your IS is under careful, monitored treatment. Don't dismiss the need for you, too, to have professional help and assistance, your's is an daunting job, it will take its toll.

We who still deeply love our ISes are the fortunate ones. It doesn't make anything easier but it does give us reason to want to be where we are, helping, caring for, and nuturing the person inside the terrible illness. All of us here will stand by you as you do that, with our support, understanding, compassion, and, in many cases, wonderful advice based on on-hands experience.

Welcome, again. I look forward to connecting with you through this Forum.
A big caring hug,
Claudia

[crettman1]

Hi Colleen, I'm Colleen also. So glad to meet you, wish it were under different circumstances. I enjoyed reading your post and yes you do have a good sense of humor. It is one of the best things you can use to get thru the crumby parts. We are retired AF so I can appreciate your military husband. Hope you'll get a chance to write back if ever get some free time. Ha Ha.

[graybeard]

Welcome Coleen,

Come sit a while with us, you will find a lot of caring, support, and understanding in this community.

GB

[myonly]

Welcome, CJ, to our little corner of the web! A lot of the feelings that you expressed in your post resonate with me.

Know that you're not going crazy, although some days it can feel like it. I get the "damage control" bit - it's my gig here too.

Amazing how our training unnknowingly prepared us for this life....and we do the best we can with what we're given. We're blessed to have you join us.

[qtrhrsemom]

Welcome to the family CJ!!! Glad you found us!!

[maureen60]

Hi Colleen.
I too have found that a wry sense of humour has saved what little was left of my sanity. Welcome to this site - where I've met more caring and compassionate people than I thought existed on this planet. They are 'virtually' a life-saver. (pun intended).
Maureen xxxxxxxx

[wheeliezdryver73]

Welcome abaord! Yep, we 'get it'!!!

[tundra lodger]

Welcome, Colleen

Although I'm sad you've need of this place, I'm glad you found our online haven for Well Spouses. May you find the support you seek among us.

Many of us know that which goes beyond what most folks understand as 'honoring the veterans'. As Larry alluded to, the spouses of the wounded warriors are often the truly bravest ones. Be proud of the way you serve, as we are proud of the way he served.

And when that pride wavers, we'll be here for you.

Again, welcome.

tl